What I Think About White Women Who Only Date Black Men
I can talk about this. I’m black.
A newish friend, a white woman, recently told me one of her dirty little secrets. She’s 37 and has only ever dated and slept with black men.
She lives in a predominantly white town but says black men have always been part of her life experience. Since the attraction has always been mutual, she’s always been open to living outside the box.
She can’t deny her reality.
She wanted to know my perspective as another black woman. One of her other black friends says she doesn’t particularly agree with this “lifestyle” because, according to her, black people have not yet healed from the impacts of colonialism.
Black couples need a chance to experience the kind of love only a black person can give to another black person to move forward. More profound spiritual and generational healing is yet to be had within the black community, and that safe space can only be cultivated in the container of black love.
Ultimately white women need to leave black men alone and allow them to pursue black women first.
Damn, what an exciting angle I have yet to consider. I can see and respect her perspective.
My sister mentioned she stopped dating white men the other day because she says those she dated haven’t cared enough to get what it means to be black.
That’s her truth and valid experience.
I’m also reminded of a controversial quote by Dr. Umar Johnson from a couple of years ago. He essentially said black men who married outside their race don’t care enough about “their people” to be with a black woman.
I could say a few things about this quote besides him not using all-inclusive language, but I’ll only focus on one thing at a time. We’re not all caught up on the many letters representing the LGTBQIA2S+ community.
I tend to lean towards not taking things seriously, and I certainly don’t take the idea of race seriously.
I can respect the opinions and perspectives of others. I don’t believe anyone is right or wrong. We only see things differently.
Since a child, I’ve never understood the division of the human race.
I understand we are all different shades of melanin or lack thereof. Still, it’s so apparent to me that it’s because of how our DNA evolved.
Back in the day when humans first evolved, they lived closer to the equator and had higher melanin content in their skin. Then, as individuals migrated to cooler climates, white skin appeared — only about 40,000 years ago.
Check out more about how Europeans evolved white skin here.
In short, it’s always been evident we are one race — the human race.
And I can acknowledge the absolute reality of colorism, how our society divides us, and the psychological effects this has had on all people of color.
It has impacted the black community more than most non-black people could imagine.
I’m not ignorant of this and can’t deny it.
When looking at the grand scheme of things, some people consider race a severe matter, and others not so much.
All perspectives matter.
All in all, I’ve never thought twice about white women dating black men or vice versa. I don’t think it says anything other than someone’s desire to break out of the box and embrace freedom of attraction regardless of their melanin levels.
Are you questioning your choices because you haven’t dated within your race, or are you simply embracing a broader range of life experiences?
My friend was relieved when I told her I didn’t think she was weird for only having dated black men in the past.
I’m a black woman who is okay with who she authentically wants to date.
From a black perspective, I understand there are plenty who want to preserve our roots and keep our bloodlines “pure.” Still, the reality is we live in a time when we can travel internationally, and many of us live in cities that are only ever going to continue to become melting pots.
We’re all being exposed to a wider variety of people in both traditional and digital media than ever before. So it’s small-minded to believe that everyone will find only the people within their race attractive.
Most of us are just not that boring.
I’ve only ever dated Black or Italian men. However, I desire to keep an open palette and will be available for the experiences life wants me to have.
Isn’t that the point?
If we’re always thinking about people in terms of race and putting them in a box, we can end up missing a lot of love in our lives.
We’re way more than the labels we place on ourselves and others.
When you’re busy living your best life, you’re not concerned about who white women or any group of people are fucking anyway.
Live and let live.
People will discover their truth and the group of people they’re naturally attracted to, with or without you.
We only live once.
Freedom is already running through each of our veins.
If you’re dissatisfied, I don’t know what to tell you other than try a threesome.
