How To Have a Brutally Honest Conversation With Anyone and Stop Sugar Coating Your Truth
In these early 20s, it’s much easier thought of than done.
A brutally honest conversation these days can either be positive or turn south quickly.
This flavor of honesty is often seen as “too honest,” so we don’t practice it much.
Because censorship, cancel culture, and politically correct workplaces are part of our realities.
Sugar coating has its place and tastes sweet, but sometimes watered-down truth doesn’t feel OK in the gut.
And it’s your second brain, by the way.
Honesty is one of my values.
It could be because I’m a Sagittarius whose epitome of past trauma surrounds expressing my truth. I learned to filter my natural bluntness to make others comfortable around me early.
Or it could be because I’ve been involved with so many narcissists that couldn’t handle the honesty I desired to cultivate within our relationship.
Thankfully children are the most brutally honest beings on Earth and always give me a good laugh from their straight-up way of speaking.
Some of us want to live in a world where we can embrace more of our inner child’s candid communication style.
This flavor of honesty penetrates us so profoundly that we feel at home whenever there’s nothing more to be said and nowhere to run and hide.
You and five colleagues are dealing with vague expectations and standards, not being evaluated, empowered, or included, and being criticized for things that aren’t in your control.
This might be a structural problem within your organization.
This is a one-way ticket to burnout; no amount of mantras or meditating will save you.
Namaste.
It’s refreshing to have open, honest conversations that can get us somewhere.
A brutally honest conversation requires one small thing if trust hasn’t been built yet — permission.
Permission creates the safe space required to have brutally honest conversations with anyone. Without it, it can feel very threatening to the person at the other end of your message.
Of course, everyone knows the truth can feel like bullets to the chest to those that aren’t open to receiving it.
Brutal honesty means not indulging in your people-pleasing tendencies to get someone to like you. For example, don’t withhold information from the other person because of a reaction they might have from your perspective.
Your version of the truth is a valuable part of the puzzle for the other person, and your intention is love and authentic connection.
It’s a valuable part of building honest relationships.
“Am I OK to freely express my truth to you without a filter?”
— You
That’s all that needs to be asked.
You opened the door and invited the other person to sit at the table of honesty with you. You’re smudging the air and letting them know that whatever you say next will be you bringing your authentic self to the table.
It’s time.
This is a game-changer if you’re tired of sugar-coating your truth because you don’t know if the other person is OK with you being “too honest” with them.
The worst they can say is no and walk away.
They’ll never see the smirk lingering on your face, but that’s OK.
And even then, you still had a brutally honest conversation because you attempted to have one in the first place.
Brutal honesty is not permission to be mean.
Things can be said with kindness, yet I don’t even claim to have the perfect delivery down all the time.
Most times, it’s like stumbling around to find the right words.
Meanness and brutal honesty have two different energies behind them.
Meanness is intent directed toward another person to tear them down and obliterate them. On the other hand, brutal honesty is the intent, to tell the truth as it’s seen from one’s point of view without white lies.
It’s also laced with tactfulness and empathy, so saying something at the right time is an intention held within the heart.
Brutal honesty is meant to create the opening and space needed for those in the conversation to be authentic without that dreaded cancel culture anxiety.
Having honest conversations is an art and can be a pleasure when the people involved feel safe enough to let their guards down and hear you out.
Everyone becomes OK with getting their hands dirty while painting a beautiful masterpiece with only the truth of their words.
The ability to get into the profound, nitty-gritty truth of things and speak on it rawly without personal egos involved is a memorable experience.
Having brutally honest conversations is a way to open doors to deeper levels of authenticity and intimacy.
The room is filled with white cisgender men who’ve never been told they’re shortsighted.
You’re working twice as hard to articulate your decisions, communicate with stakeholders, and keep your sanity as a woman of color. Yet, you don’t feel like you’re being heard.
It’s exhausting.
Today someone asks you if microaggressions are still a thing.
It might be time to have a brutally honest conversation.
